How to Talk to Kids About Substance Use
Talking to your kids about drugs and alcohol can feel uncomfortable — especially if you’re unsure where to start or worried about saying the wrong thing. But here’s the truth: the earlier and more calmly you start these conversations, the stronger your influence will be.
You don’t have to be perfect — you just have to be present.
Start Early and Keep It Age-Appropriate
Conversations about substance use don’t need to be one big “talk.” They can (and should) happen in small, ongoing moments — like in the car, at dinner, or after a show that mentions drinking or drugs.
Elementary age: Focus on keeping their body healthy and safe — how substances can change how we feel or make it harder to make good choices.
Middle school: Be curious about what they’ve seen or heard. Ask what they think about it. Use this time to build trust, not lecture.
High school: Talk about peer pressure, decision-making, and emotional coping. Acknowledge that curiosity is normal — but emphasize safety, consent, and open communication.
The goal is to create a two-way conversation, not a one-time warning.
Be Curious, Not Confrontational
Instead of jumping straight to rules or consequences, start with curiosity:
“I know you’ve probably heard things about vaping or weed — what are people saying at school?”
“How do you feel when you’re around people who are drinking?”
These open-ended questions help you understand their perspective while keeping the door open for honest dialogue.
Stay Calm — Even When You’re Scared
If your child admits to experimenting, try not to react with anger or panic. Those reactions often shut communication down. Instead, pause and respond with curiosity:
“Thank you for telling me. Can you tell me what made you want to try it?”
“Let’s talk about what was going on for you before that happened.”
This response sends a powerful message: You can come to me, even when it’s hard.
Connect Substance Use to Emotional Health
Substance use isn’t always about “rebellion.” Sometimes, it’s about coping — trying to quiet anxiety, sadness, or social pressure. Let your child know that you care about what’s underneath the behavior.
You can say:
“If you’re feeling stressed, sad, or pressured, we can find safer ways to deal with it together.”
At Fantasia Therapy Services PLLC, we often help families explore these underlying emotions, teaching teens how to self-regulate and build resilience without turning to substances.
Create Clear Expectations (Without Fear)
Teens actually want structure — even when they pretend they don’t.
Be clear about your family’s expectations around drugs and alcohol, but explain why those boundaries exist: to keep them safe, not to control them.
For example:
“I don’t want you drinking because your brain and body are still developing — and I care about keeping you safe.”
When rules are paired with empathy, they stick better.
Keep the Conversation Going
Talking about substance use shouldn’t be a one-time event — it’s an ongoing conversation that grows as your child does.
Keep checking in:
“How are people around you handling drinking or vaping?”
“What do you do when you feel pressured to fit in?”
“How can I support you if that ever feels hard?”
The more normal it feels to talk about these things, the less shame or secrecy your child will feel.
Final Thoughts
You can’t control every choice your child makes — but you can control the tone of your relationship.
Lead with love, curiosity, and calm. Your openness can make the difference between a child who hides and one who reaches out.
Fantasia Therapy Services PLLC — where healing feels safe.
Therapy for teens, families, and caregivers